“And [Yaakov] took his two wives and his two maidservants and his eleven children” (B’reishis 32:23). Although Binyamin was not born yet, Yaakov already had twelve children, as Leah also had a daughter, Deena. Why does the Torah only refer to eleven children if there were twelve? Rashi, based on the Midrash (B’reishis Rabbah 76:9), tells us that Yaakov had hidden Deena in a “box,” so that Eisav wouldn’t take her against her will. For doing this, thereby preventing the possibility of Deena positively influencing Eisav, Yaakov was punished, and Deena was taken by Shechem instead. Was Yaakov really expected to risk his daughter’s well-being on the remote chance that his wicked brother could be rehabilitated by her?
OTHER ISSUES
There are other aspects to the meeting between Yaakov and Eisav that seem quite puzzling as well. First of all, Yaakov was surprised when he found out that Eisav was coming “with 400 men” (32:7), causing him to become “very afraid and distressed” (32:8). Rivka had told Yaakov that she would call for him when Eisav’s anger subsides (27:45), which she did by sending her nurse-maid D’vorah (see Rashi on 35:8). Since Rivka had sent word that Yaakov should return, Eisav’s anger must have subsided. But if Eisav was no longer upset about Yaakov stealing the blessing, why was he coming with an army to attack him? Secondly, how did Eisav’s demeanor change so rapidly, from planning to attack Yaakov (33:1) to giving him a loving embrace (33:4)? It couldn’t have been the enormous gift Yaakov sent, as the army was still there afterwards, and Eisav was initially unwilling to accept the gift, stating that he was so wealthy he didn’t need it (33:9). Was it Yaakov’s bowing seven times? Would Eisav undergo such a complete turnaround based on actions that could easily be insincere, especially when done by somehow he had accused of “tricking” him twice already (27:36)? Additionally, from the start, Yaakov’s stated goal was to “find favor in Eisav’s eyes.” It was part of the original message sent to Eisav (32:6), and was repeated in person (33:10). Yet, when Eisav offers to assign some of his men to help Yaakov travel, Yaakov’s response (33:15) was “why should I find favor in my master’s eyes?” Wasn’t “finding favor in Eisav’s eyes” the whole point? [Because of this disconnect, the commentators put a comma between “why” and “I find favor in my master’s eyes.” Nevertheless, a straightforward reading (see Onkelos) has it as one statement (see 25:32 and 32:30, see Netziv on 33:15).] Finally, the tension between Yaakov and Eisav was caused by Yaakov deceiving Yitzchok, presenting himself as Eisav in order to get the blessing that Yitzchok had intended to give Eisav. Any attempt at reconciliation would be undermined if Eisav was reminded that Yaakov had taken his blessing. Yet, when Yaakov tried to convince Eisav to accept his gift, the words he used were “take my blessing” (33:11). How could Yaakov mention the blessing, or use the same term, when trying to heal the wounds that taking the blessing had caused? Eisav had already indicated he was over it (by embracing him and being friendly), yet Yaakov brings it up again? (When I mentioned this to a chaver, he said “I think Freud asks the same question.”)
WHAT THE BLESSING WAS ABOUT
There were two main aspects to the blessing Yitzchok had wanted to give Eisav; material wealth (27:28) and dominion over others, including over his brother (27:29). There was no mention of anything spiritual (other than G-d being the source of the blessing), nor was there any indication that Yitzchok was transmitting the blessing he had received, the blessing that was given to Avraham, with the exception of “those who curse you will be cursed and those who bless you will be blessed” (which were phrased differently and in a different order; compare with 12:3). There’s no mention of the Promised Land, and no mention of having descendants “as abundant as the stars in the sky,” “the dust of the earth” or “the sands of the seashore.” When Yitzchok blessed Yaakov as he left for Charan, on the other hand, he mentioned “the blessing of Avraham” as well as the Promised Land (28:4). It is quite obvious that Yitzchok was not trying to make Eisav the heir apparent of Avraham’s legacy; that was reserved for Yaakov. He was hoping that Eisav would support Yaakov, a “Yissachar/Z’vulun” type of relationship, and therefore tried to give Eisav a blessing for material wealth (see page 7 of http://www.aishdas.org/ta/5767/toldos.pdf). [Why Yitzchok wanted the “fundraiser” to be the boss is a separate issue; perhaps he thought freeing Yaakov from the monetary decisions would help him focus on his spiritual growth. Rivka’s prophecy that “the elder will serve the younger” (25:23) makes it clear that Yaakov should be the boss, but Yitzchok was likely unaware of this prophecy, which might have been referring to how things ended up, with Yaakov being both the fundraiser and the Rosh Yeshiva.] Rivka realized that Eisav would not support Yaakov’s spiritual mission, therefore telling Yaakov he must get the blessing intended for Eisav and take on both roles.
Eisav was devastated when Yaakov took the blessing, but not because he wanted to support Yaakov’s spiritual development. He wanted the wealth that the blessing promised, as well as the power to rule over others, including his brother. As it turned out, though, even without the blessing Eisav became fabulously wealthy (see 33:9), and yielded much power (as evidenced by his controlling a mighty militia and conquering the land of Sayir). It was at this point that Eisav’s anger subsided, so Rivka sent for Yaakov.
RECONCILIATION
Even though he was told that Eisav’s anger had subsided, Yaakov also wanted to repair his personal relationship with his brother, or at least not aggravate it further, so rather than just showing up back in Canaan unannounced, he sent word to Eisav that he is returning, and that he wants to “find favor in his eyes,” i.e. get along. However, rather than just accepting that his brother is coming home, Eisav gathers a militia to attack. Not because he is still upset about losing the blessing for wealth or power; he has those things. There was still one aspect of the blessing that Eisav didn’t have; which brother would serve the other. Eisav thought that upon returning Yaakov would reassert himself as the “master,” and wasn’t going to let that happen. Realizing this, Yaakov prepares a huge tributary gift, the kind presented by visiting dignitaries to rulers to show their allegiance and to demonstrate their subservience. [Rabbi Moshe Shamah (“Recalling the Covenant”), referencing the practice in the ancient world, as well as (in a footnote) one of the Gaonim, explains how the number 220, the amount of animals in the first two herds presented to Eisav, and twice the amount of the third, signified being the subservient half of a partnership.] Although Eisav likely took notice of this gesture, he wasn’t convinced that Yaakov was really reversing their roles and agreeing to allow his brother to rule over him, so continued towards him with his militia. Upon seeing Yaakov’s repeated prostrations (33:3), though, he was convinced, and was no longer upset about what had happened so many years ago.
Having accomplished his goal of convincing Eisav that he was not interested in lording over him, the next step was “finding favor in his eyes.” Eisav had refused to accept his “tribute” (33:9-10), so Yaakov tried to take it to the next level, calling it his “blessing.” Eisav had accused Yaakov of tricking him twice, regarding the birthright and regarding the blessing. His accusation about the birthright had no basis, as Eisav agreed to exchange it for “this red stuff” (25:30), questioned what value it had for him (25:32), and belittled it (25:34). As far as the blessing, though, Eisav had a valid point. Even though the blessing for material success had to be given to Yaakov, Eisav was not given the option of ceding it to him. Had he been given the option, he wouldn’t have relinquished it, but for the wrong reasons (thinking he needed it to achieve wealth and power). Now, however, knowing that he had all the wealth and power he could have ever hoped the blessing would provide, would Eisav be willing to let Yaakov keep the blessing? Was there a chance that Eisav would reconsider, and now want to be Yaakov’s partner in his holy mission, freeing Yaakov from the financial responsibility? If Yaakov was to proceed with a clear conscience, he would have to give Eisav the opportunity to reclaim his original role or give it up willingly. Kli Yakar (33:10) understands this to be Yaakov’s intent earlier; I would suggest that it was when Yaakov changed the term used for his gift from “tribute” (33:10) to “blessing” (33:11) that he offered the blessing, and all that it entailed, back to Eisav. Alternatively, Yaakov was offering Eisav the choice of accepting the gift only as a “tribute” or have it be included as part of the return of the blessing. Eisav declined both, eventually accepting only the gift itself because Yaakov implored him to (33:11).
EISAV’S OFFER
Even after declining to take over the responsibility for all the material needs, Eisav offered to help Yaakov bring his things home (33:12), or at least have some of his men accompany him (33:15), but this was an offer of help from an outsider, not a partner fulfilling the obligations of the partnership. Yaakov declined this offer, asking why, if Eisav was not going to be his financial partner/backer, did he “find favor in his eyes” vis-à-vis helping him travel. The “finding favor in his eyes” regarding their past tension had been achieved; if Eisav was not going to reclaim his original role as the financer, Yaakov didn’t think it was appropriate for him to be part of the enterprise at all. This was Yaakov’s way of saying “if you’re in, you’ve got to be all in; which one’s it going be?” He didn’t say “no” to Eisav’s offer, he asked why he should “find favor in his eyes” to be given help if he didn’t “find enough favor in his eyes” to be his partner. Eisav’s response? “And Eisav returned on that day to his way, to Sayir” (33:16). Yaakov had offered Eisav (again) to take over the responsibilities that come with the blessing, but Eisav declined, willingly.
DEENA’S POTENTIAL ROLE
Once we place the conversation between Yaakov and Eisav in this context, Deena’s potential role becomes more prominent. When describing what could have been, the Midrash (Shir HaShirim Zuta 1:15, http://tinyurl.com/lz57a6y) says that Eisav would have married Leah (and Zilpah) and Yaakov would have married Rachel (and Bilhah); kings would have come from Eisav (as they are responsible for making sure that society runs properly) and kohanim would have come from Yaakov (as they are responsible for the nation’s spiritual growth). After Yaakov took over both roles, though, Yaakov had to marry Leah too (and Zilpah), and the entire nation came from him. Where would that leave Eisav, had he accepted Yaakov’s offer, since Yaakov and Leah were already married? Yaakov may have agreed to work for Rachel for seven years in order to give Eisav a chance to marry Leah (see page 2 of http://www.aishdas.org/ta/5768/vayeitzei.pdf), but once Yaakov had to marry Leah, if Eisev ever reconsidered, who would be his spouse? Deena was Leah’s daughter, and had the potential to take her place. By keeping Deena hidden from Eisav, this possibility was removed, making Yaakov’s offer for Eisav to reclaim his original role more difficult to accept. Therefore, Yaakov was punished for hiding Eisav’s potential mate, the one who could have “returned him to doing/being good,” from him.
